When the Holidays Hurt: Finding Hope When You’re Alone or Grieving

The holidays can be tough when life doesn’t look like a Hallmark movie. Maybe you’re grieving the loss of someone who made this season special, or maybe you’re navigating it alone this year, wondering how to find joy when your heart feels heavy.

If that’s where you are right now, take a deep breath. I wish I could sit across from you with a cup of coffee, listen to your story, and remind you that you’re not alone. God sees you. He’s with you in the quiet moments when the ache feels unbearable, and He wants to carry you through this season—not with a to-do list or false cheer, but with real, lasting hope.

Let’s talk about what it looks like to lean into that hope, one step at a time, when the holidays feel heavy.

Feel What You Feel

 You don’t have to pretend everything’s fine if it’s not. The Christmas lights and holiday music may feel like too much right now—and that’s okay.

Grief doesn’t fit neatly into a season, and the holidays have a way of magnifying what’s missing. Whether it’s a loved one you’ve lost or the sense of connection you long for, the ache is real, and it deserves space.

 Even Jesus gave Himself permission to grieve. When His friend Lazarus died, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). He knew He would raise Lazarus back to life, but He still felt the loss deeply. That moment reminds us that it’s okay to feel pain and sadness—even in the middle of a season that feels like it demands joy.

 God isn’t afraid of your tears, your frustration, or even your questions. Bring them to Him. Let Him sit with you in the mess of it all.

 Invite God Into the Quiet

One of the hardest parts of facing the holidays alone is the silence. Maybe the house feels emptier than it used to, or the traditions you once loved feel hollow without your loved one.

But here’s what I’ve learned: the quiet can be sacred ground. When you invite God into those moments, His presence can fill the space in a way that no person, party, or tradition ever could.

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.” That’s a promise you can hold onto. Light a candle. Open your Bible. Play some worship music. Or just sit and talk to Him like you would a trusted friend. You don’t have to have the perfect words—He understands even your sighs.

 It’s Okay to Do Less

 You don’t have to “do” the holidays the way you always have. If putting up a tree feels like too much this year, skip it. If cooking a big meal sounds exhausting, order something simple or make your favorite comfort food instead.

 This season doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It doesn’t even have to look like last year’s. Maybe this year, peace looks like taking a walk, watching a favorite movie, or having a quiet moment with a cup of tea. That’s okay.

Ask yourself: What would bring me the most peace right now? And then let yourself focus on that.

Carry Their Memory With You

If you’ve lost someone you love, the holidays are often the hardest time to process that absence. Everywhere you look, you’re reminded of what’s missing. But instead of pushing those feelings down, try finding ways to honor their memory.

You could light a candle and say a prayer of gratitude for the time you had together. Or maybe you make one of their favorite holiday recipes or hang an ornament on the tree that reminds you of them. 

Honoring their memory doesn’t erase the pain, but it can remind you of the love that never really goes away.

Let People In, Even Just a Little

I know it’s tempting to isolate yourself when you’re hurting—especially when everyone else seems wrapped up in their own holiday joy. But even small moments of connection can make a big difference.

Reach out to someone you trust. Maybe it’s a friend, a family member, or someone in your church. Let them know how you’re feeling. Even if you don’t feel like talking much, just being around someone who cares can ease the weight a little. 

If being with people feels too overwhelming, that’s okay, too.

Connection doesn’t always have to look like a big gathering. It could be as simple as exchanging a few texts with a friend who gets it or attending a quiet Christmas Eve service to remind yourself you’re part of something bigger than your pain.

Start Small, New Traditions

 Sometimes the old traditions are too painful to carry on, and that’s okay. Instead of forcing yourself to do things the way they’ve always been done, try starting something new—something that feels doable and meaningful for where you are right now.

Maybe it’s taking a drive to look at Christmas lights or journaling your prayers by the tree. Maybe it’s watching a new movie or volunteering to serve someone else. 

New traditions don’t have to be big or elaborate. They’re just small ways to invite hope into your heart again.

 Joy and Grief Can Coexist

Here’s the thing: joy and grief aren’t mutually exclusive. You don’t have to feel 100% happy to enjoy a moment of laughter or warmth. Those glimpses of light aren’t betraying your sadness—they’re reminders that healing is happening, even if it’s slow.

Don’t feel guilty for finding moments of joy. Watch that silly Christmas movie. Eat your favorite holiday treat. Laugh when something funny happens. Those little moments are gifts, and they don’t diminish the reality of your grief.

Remember Philippians 4:7: “The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” That peace doesn’t cancel out your pain—it carries you through it.

God’s Promises Are Still True

If you feel forgotten this season, let me remind you of something: God hasn’t abandoned you. His promises still stand, even when life feels empty or broken.

Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

 Write that down. Say it out loud. Let it sink into your heart. God is holding you, even when you feel like you’re falling apart. 

One Step, One Moment at a Time

 Getting through the holidays after loss or in loneliness isn’t about fixing everything. It’s about taking small, grace-filled steps forward.

 Feel your feelings. Lean on God’s presence. Let go of the “shoulds” and focus on what brings you peace. And when you’re ready, let the joy sneak in—through a song, a memory, a moment of laughter.

You’re not alone in this. God is with you, loving you, and walking through every moment with you. His grace is enough for today, tomorrow, and every day after. You’re held, even here.